I have changed small bits and pieces of my paragraph but nothing huge other than what I have been suggested to change. What I did change helps my paragraph fit better with the thesis. That's really about it.
The paragraph fits in a lot better with the thesis now. The only suggestion that I have is to apply the three-fold transition technique thing to your topic sentence, so that there is a transition into the paragraph. Once you do that, it should fit in perfectly with the rest of the essay. We should be able to fine-tune the transitions between all of the paragraphs on Monday before we turn the essay in.
The paragraph fits in a lot better with the thesis now. The only suggestion that I have is to apply the three-fold transition technique thing to your topic sentence, so that there is a transition into the paragraph. Once you do that, it should fit in perfectly with the rest of the essay. We should be able to fine-tune the transitions between all of the paragraphs on Monday before we turn the essay in.
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